BLOG TOUR w/ CHARACTER INTERVIEW & EXCERPT : 'Only Forever' by Scotty Cade
Title: Only Forever
Author: Scotty Cade
Published: November 30, 2016
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
Cover Artist: Reese Dante
Genre: Erotic Romance; Contemporary Romance
Length: 134 Pages
Tags: Gay; M/M; Bisexual; Maritime; Age Difference; Novella; HEA
BLURB:
Master Captain Theodore Gourdin has always loved the ocean. But his devotion to maritime life left little possibility for a long-term relationship. After two failed marriages, Theo gave up on finding the person who completed him and decided the sea was his soul mate. When offered the opportunity to captain the newly launched megayacht Eternity, Theo jumped at the chance. With Eternity’s maiden voyage looming, Theo focused all his energies on hiring his crew and readying his ship. The last thing he expected was to finally lose his heart in the process.
After twelve years at sea, First Officer Heath Rawlins was restless and in need of a
change. A gay seaman’s life could be a lonely one, but to Heath the positives far outweighed the negatives. With excellent recommendations and an impressive résumé, he was quickly offered a position on the private megayacht Eternity. Heath’s heart skipped several beats when he finally met the ship’s captain. He was handsome and charming. And… familiar? Had they met somewhere before? Highly unlikely. But as smitten as Heath was with the gorgeous captain, everything inside him screamed, Abandon ship! Rough seas ahead!
Well, I have to say I am rather thrilled Scotty gave me the opportunity to talk with you two today. Your experience is much like something I live with on a daily basis so I have to say your journey in the book was quiet thrilling!
Theo reaches over and grabs Heath’s hand, winks smiles. “It’s our pleasure to be here Kimmers.” Heath nods at me and then stares at Theo adoringly.
I don’t want to give too much away, but Scotty was very open in his preface with regard to readers keeping an open mind about your path and “insta-love”, so you just tell me if a question is off limits. Okay?
“Will do,” Heath says. “But Scotty is a pretty open guy in his personal and literary life, so I think he’ll be fine with pretty much anything we talk about.”
Theo, I would like to start with you. How was it having Scotty tell your story? He and his husband live on their yacht and obviously know a lot about ships, mechanics, etc. Do you think that helped him convey your passion and love of the sea?
“Well?” Theo looks at Heath. “We are very pleased with the way it turned out. We think and I hope others will think he did our story justice. He said this was a tough one for him because he’s asking his readers to believe in something they can’t see, feel or hold. And we get that. But as you mentioned, he was very concerned about the instalove thing. And to be honest Heath and I read the first few reviews and he was right. They did mention instalove. But from our standpoint, is it instalove when someone knows…just knows they are meant to be? Maybe in some cases it’s lust, but certainly not at all in ours.
Now to finish answering your question regarding the boating thing, when someone has any kind of connection to the sea I don’t think it ever goes away. Scotty told us he’s been boating since he was seven years old and much like Heath and I, he says he’s never more relaxed than when he is on the water and especially at the helm of his boat. From a philosophical standpoint, many find the openness, beauty, unpredictability and power of the sea very intriguing. Heath and I as well as Scotty and his husband Kell are no different. But for Heath and I, our connection went way beyond that. Our connection was more a longing. A need. We were both searching the sea for something unknown and needing to be as close as possible to something that we didn’t quite understand…until now of course.”
Wow! Okay, so we’ve already mentioned the “insta” attraction, but for me your guys’ chemistry was just there, period. Heath, your thoughts and emotions about Theo’s sexual orientation and his actions/reactions toward you were like watching a ping pong game. How did you keep from just attacking him and saying the hell with it? And you can’t use employer/employee as the reason. *giggles*
“Oh jeez. For me…the attraction was instant. I mean look at him. But remember the first time we met I was on a job interview. And that could have led to all sorts of problems. But…if I hadn’t gotten the job, I would have probably taken my chances and jumped his bones right there in the hotel lobby. But to be honest, maybe because I was nervous, my gaydar didn’t sound immediately. And then as the night wore on and we got to know each other, he mentioned that he’d been married. Not once but twice. I can see if someone married and then realized they were gay. It happens all the time right? But to be gay and marry twice was a stretch.” Heath smacks himself on the forehead with the palm of his hand. “The bisexual thing never even crossed my mind. But then I realized I really wanted the job and well to be honest, I wanted to be near him for some odd reason. Intimately or not I just had to and at that point me acting on my attractions would have been completely unethical, ruined our budding friendship, and potentially career ending.”
I can see that. Now while following you, Theo, I felt you had a keener sense of the connection than Heath did for some time. Why do you believe that was?
“Kimmers. After all this time, I still don’t have the answer to that questions. It may have just hit me first, but I knew instantly I needed him. Not just sexually, although that was amazing, but from the depths of my soul. I have never had such a connection to any one human being…in my life. Especially after just meeting him. I mean…don’t get me wrong. It would be unfair and disrespectful to say I didn’t love my second wife because I did. Very much. But my longing to be near the sea took me away from her.” Theo holds up he and Heath’s still joined hands and again gazes into Heath’s eyes, “But as much as I loved her, it was never this.”
Stop! Let’s move move on before you make me cry. Both of you were very flirtatious from your first meeting and did things that would be blatantly obvious to anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, that you were “interested.” Did you really not sense that you were attracted to the other?
“Oh no,” Heath says. “The attraction was there immediately, but again I was on a job interview with the captain of a megayacht. It would have been odd to shake his hand and say, So, I’m gay and I want to do all sorts of things to you. You game?” Heath laughs and looks at Theo. “Your turn.”
“My answer is very close to Heath’s. But with a little different twist. If he accepted the job he was interviewing for, I would have been his commander. And if I made an advance and he wasn’t gay and took offense to it, that action could have ruined my entire career and I wasn’t prepared to risk it.”
I just have to say that I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrating it was watching you two at war with your emotions and make excuses not to act upon your attraction. I was thinking “Dude, just go for it.” With that said do you think it has become increasingly difficult to pursue someone you are attracted to in the workplace for fear of perceived sexual harassment?
“Absolutely,” Heath says. “Especially if you are in a position of authority of said person. You read about it everyday in the papers and hear it on the news. It happens and is a serious problem in today’s society.”
Big question: Before you met one another did either of you believe in soulmates or reincarnation?
Theo looks at Heath. “You go first.”
Heath punches Theo in the arm playfully. “Thanks a lot.”
Theo smiles.
“To be truthful,” Heath says. “I never really thought about reincarnation per say. I’m sure you know I lost my family in a horrible accident. And in the beginning I had overwhelming survivor’s guilt. But my family would sometimes come to me in my dreams and try to lessen my emotional burden. So I always felt like they were with me. But then as I got stronger, the dreams lessened and eventually disappeared all together. I figured they hung around until I was okay and then moved on. But I never once thought of them being reincarnated.” Heath turns to Theo. “Your turn big fella.”
“Never for me. I didn’t believe or not believe. I just sensed that I was always looking for something. I never knew what it was of course until I met Heath, but again. As Scotty said. It’s hard to believe in something not tangible. Its like faith and believing in God almost. Some do and some don’t, but those who do believe it with their whole heart.”
Theo, do you think being bisexual made you more open to finding Heath after all this time?
“Hell. I think if I identified as straight I would have still fell for this man. It was just inevitable that we would find each other.”
What would either of you tell someone in your same position who may feel they have lived/loved a person before?
“I say,” Heath jumps in. “Be honest with the other person, make sure they are feeling the same thing and go for it. See where it goes.”
“In our case,” Theo adds. “We knew it was love or…instalove as the critics say, but just because we knew this was right very early on, we could have been wrong and it could have simply been a case of really strong lust and ended as quickly as it began. But we were both very willing to explore where it was taking us.”
Last one, what is your favorite thing about one another?
“Oh let me!” Theo says.
Heath smiles. “Oh now he wants to go first.”
“Oh stop it you big baby,” Theo says. “Okay! Besides the obvious,” Theo looks at Heath. “One of my most favorite things about Heath is watching him on the helm gazing out over the ocean when he doesn’t know I’m watching. Its very similar to the way he looks at me sometimes. When we first met on our maiden voyage on Eternity his expression was one of searching and longing. But now, it’s with such an expression of gratitude, it warms me almost to the verge of tears. I am so fortunate to have reconnected with this man and I am so in love with him, I can’t imagine my life without him.”
Theo leans over and kisses Heath gently.
“Well hell! How am I supposed to follow that?”
“That’s why I wanted to go first,” Theo retorts with a smile.
“I think its his strength, courage determination mixed with his vulnerability. I’m not sure if he wouldn’t have lost it and kissed me that first time, I would have ever had the courage to make a move on him. And that would have left us as nothing more than best friends. I would have taken that, but this…this is more than I could have ever hoped for.”
I just have to say that your story was beautiful and touching and very emotional. The way you feel for one another fully comes across and I for one believe you were destined to be.
“We agree and thank you for recognizing our connection and not calling what we have instalove.”
Theo propped his elbows on the table and rested his chin in his hands. He stared at Heath quizzically. “Excuse me for asking, but have we met somewhere before? You seem so very familiar to me.”
“Oddly enough, I thought the same thing when I walked into the dining room and saw you sitting here. But I don’t see how. I think I would have remembered.”
“I guess so,” Theo said. “You probably just remind me of someone.”
“Same here,” Heath agreed.
The two men held each other’s gaze until Heath felt uncomfortable, cleared his throat, and turned away. When he turned back, the captain was still eyeing him closely.
“So tell me,” Heath said. “In your e-mail you mentioned you’d hired a first officer but alluded to the fact that he wasn’t a good fit. Can I ask what happened?”
“Certainly,” Theo said. “As I mentioned in my original email, it’s nothing I can put my finger on exactly. I’ve interviewed about a half dozen potential first officers, and they were all very qualified, but they were young, stiff, and eager to please. I don’t want someone blowing smoke up my ass. I want someone who has my back and will shoot straight with me. And I just didn’t feel he was the one.”
Oh my God! How many gay innuendos can a person make in one sentence? Young and stiff? Eager to please? Blowing smoke up your ass? Having your back? Shooting straight! This is gonna kill me. Look at the bright side, Heath. You might not get the job.
Heath folded his napkin and placed it in front of him. He rested both elbows on the table, linked his fingers, and leaned forward. “Well, sir—I mean, Theo. The way I see it—if you offer me the position, our relationship can go one of two ways. I can do everything you just mentioned and more”—and enjoy the hell out of it—“or I can be 100 percent honest with you and give you my opinion regarding any particular situation when it is solicited. It’s really up to you.”
A smile crept across Theo’s face. “I like you, Heath. You’re straightforward and to the point. I think we’ll get along just fine. By the way, what does the G stand for in your name, G. Heath Rawlins?”
Heat slowly crept up Heath’s face. “Are you sure you won’t laugh?”
“No promises,” Theo said, looking over the edge of his glass before he took a sip of water.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Theo eyed him warily.
“My first name is Gilligan.”
Theo choked on his water, and Heath thought he might spit a mouthful across the table. The captain wiped the water from his chin with his napkin, smiled, and locked eyes with Heath. “You’re shitting me, right? A sailor named Gilligan?”
“It’s a family name on my mother’s side,” Heath explained. “And while we’re on the subject, if I remember right, your middle initial is G.”
This time Theo squirmed. “It is.”
“And?” Heath asked.
Theo looked from side to side and then leaned in with mischief in his eyes. “Gil-li-ard,” he said softly.
“Your middle name is Gil-li-ard?” Heath asked rather loudly. “How do you spell that?”
Theo laughed and spelled out his middle name. “G-a-i-l-l-a-r-d.”
“When you spell it, it sounds like it should be pronounced Gail-lard. Guy-lard. Or maybe Gay-lard?”
“Welcome to the South, Gilligan,” Theo said. “My family’s originally from Charleston, South Carolina , and it was my mother’s maiden name.”
“Well, at least we have that much in common,” Heath said, now feeling even more comfortable teasing Theo.
“You’re from Charleston?” Theo asked.
“No. But both of our parents apparently blessed us with sucky names.”
Theo frowned. “Really? I happen to like mine.”
Heath’s smile faded. Oh shit. As usual I went too far.
But before Heath could backtrack, Theo burst into laughter. “Oh, who am I kidding? I despise it.”
“Oh thank God,” Heath said. “I thought I’d just ruined my chance at a new job before I even got it.”
“Nope. And for future reference, I don’t take myself that seriously.” Theo looked around for a waiter. “Hey! How about a drink?”
“To that I’ll say, ‘Yes, sir!’”
Once they had their drinks and ordered their dinner, the conversation flowed again.
“So I’ve already told you I’m originally from Charleston,” Theo said. “How about you?”
“Austin, Texas,” Heath replied.
“I’ve been there a couple of times, and I like Austin. A lot. Your family still there?”
“Unfortunately not.” Heath felt the usual tightening of his chest and tugging at his heart each time he had to tell the story about how he’d lost his family, but he pushed through it, as he always did, and explained his situation.
“I’m really sorry,” Theo said. “That couldn’t have been easy for you.”
Heath stared at a ship’s wheel hanging on the wall over Theo’s shoulder and mentally stepped back in time. “It sucked,” he finally said. “In the beginning I had horrible survivor’s guilt, you know? Like I wished the hell I had been home with them. I mean, I kept asking myself why I was spared.”
As the words left Heath’s mouth, they surprised the hell out of him. He hadn’t spoken to anyone, with the exception of a grief counselor at the maritime academy, about how he’d felt after losing his family. Not anyone in over twelve years. But here he was telling Theo all about it.
Theo seemed to hang on his words and appeared to be waiting for more when Heath decided enough was enough. He needed to wrap this up, and quick. “But it got easier, I guess.”
Maybe sensing that Heath was uncomfortable talking about his family, Theo reached over and laid his hand on top of Heath’s—a move that surprised the hell out of him. As soon as their flesh connected, Heath felt the same instant warmth running through his body he’d felt when they’d shaken hands earlier. This time the warmth was accompanied by a fleeting image that flashed through his mind’s eye. But before Heath could lock onto it, it was gone.
Theo’s thoughtful tone and sensitive demeanor told Heath the captain was not only good-looking, he was easy to talk to and seemed genuine and caring. He liked the man more and more with each passing minute.
“I guess we play the hand we’re dealt,” Heath said, trying to stay in the moment.
“You’re right,” Theo agreed, slowly withdrawing his hand.
As soon as Theo’s touch was gone, Heath instantly wanted it back. What was the draw? He sure as hell didn’t know, but he was quickly realizing he was playing with fire. He needed to get a grip on this infatuation or he was going to ruin his chances of getting this job.
“Well,” Heath continued, “if there was anything positive that came from losing my family, it’s the fact that their deaths made me throw myself into my education and career full force. And twelve years later, here I am.”
Theo nodded. “If my calculations are correct, you joined your first ship right after you graduated.”
“Just days,” Heath admitted. “I needed the distraction, or I probably would have lost my mind. Or even worse, killed myself.”
Theo gave him a knowing glance.
“Hey, look,” Heath said. “I’m sorry, man. I have no idea why I went into all this detail. I don’t talk about this stuff.”
“Maybe you needed to,” Theo said. “And I’m glad you felt comfortable enough with me to share a little of your story.”
Theo hesitated and then spoke. “I know this sounds lame, but the more we talk, I just can’t shake the feeling that we’ve met somewhere before.”
Scotty Cade left Corporate America and twenty-five years of Marketing and Public Relations behind to buy an Inn & Restaurant on the island of Martha’s Vineyard with his partner of over twenty years. He started writing stories as soon as he could read, but just five years ago for publication. When not at the Inn, you can find him on the bow of his boat writing gay romance novels with his Shetland sheepdog Mavis at his side. Being from the south and a lover of commitment and fidelity, most of his characters find their way to long healthy relationships, however long it takes them to get there. He believes that in the end, the boy should always get the boy.
