BLOG TOUR/GUEST POST with EXCLUSIVE DELETED SCENE, REVIEW, and GIVEAWAY: 'Becoming Kerry' by
Title: Becoming Kerry
Author: Lynn Kelling
Published: August 8, 2017
Publisher: ForbiddenFiction - Imprint of Enspire Publishing Cover Artist: Siol na Tine
Genre: Contemporary Romance; Erotic Romance
Length: 456 Pages
Tags: Gay; M/M; BDSM; D/s; Bisexual; Genderqueer; Transgender; Comfort/Hurt; Coming Out; First Time; HFN; Kink: Exhibitionism, Voyeurism; CW: Violence/Ga
Publisher Story Blurb
Kerry Sanderson is an exotic dancer, former military brat, and aspiring fashion designer, but believes he’s much more than any of those labels imply. As his relationship with transgender boyfriend Jamie falls apart, it’s Kerry’s gender identity and sexual preferences that become the real issue between them. Left questioning whether he’s been living under everyone else's terms, and none of his own, Kerry sets out to discover who he really is. Desperate to escape his dangerous neighborhood and redefine his life, Kerry vows to start making some changes. One of the first is accepting what seems to be an innocent offer from allegedly straight security guard, Ewyn Garrity, after a long shift dancing at gay club Blaze. Safety isn't the only thing Ewyn tempts Kerry with as sparks fly and lines are crossed. The more acceptance Kerry finds in Ewyn, the more he’s tempted to let go of the fear and self-doubt that had been hampering his ability to be himself. But the more honest Kerry is, slowly accepting the feminine aspects of his identity and becoming vulnerable, the more deadly threats he faces when blind intolerance threatens before he's barely bloomed
Deleted Scene from Becoming Kerry
It’s pretty rare for me to chop a scene that works with the finished version of a book. This scene does, so I’m excited to share it. I shifted the beginning of Becoming Kerry around a few times during re-writes. At one point, it showed a lot more of the break-up between Kerry and his transgender ex, Jamie. In this immediately-post-breakup scene, Kerry visits a trans support group that, thus far, he had only visited with Jamie as moral support. Enjoy!
The group sat on metal folding chairs, arranged in a circle. There was plenty of bad coffee to sip and store-bought cookies to snack on. Kerry was surrounded by a spectrum of people who were transitioning from female to male, like Jamie, or those headed in the opposite direction, and everyone else in between.
When Ashley spoke, explaining her progress in transitioning male to female, Kerry absorbed every single word. Ashley had been just like him in a lot of ways—not aligning to others’ expectations of how a man was supposed to portray himself—but had chosen to move beyond the gender constructs imposed by society and the world in general.
Kerry had come to the meeting with something prepared to say. The intention was to offer to help sew and tailor clothes, made to order, for anyone who was interested. He’d already helped Jamie that way, and had gotten plenty of experience with sewing while providing his own costumes for his performances dancing at a club called Savage Men. The idea of helping those in the trans group—people who had welcomed him even when he’d had nothing much to say for himself—was thrilling. He loved the idea of aiding them in becoming who they knew they were, giving them a chance to design the clothes they most wanted to wear, tailored perfectly to their proportions. At a time when so much felt out of balance, it was one idea that seemed right.
It was all written down on a folded paper stuck in his pocket, but he hesitated to remove it and instead kept his hands folded in his lap. Every time there was a lull in conversation as someone finished speaking and Destiny, who led the meetings, looked for someone else to draw out next, Kerry’s anxiety spiked. Body tensed, mouth dry, he prayed each time that he wouldn’t be chosen. He knew it was a strange reaction, since he was only trying to help the others.
“Kerry,” Destiny said with a smile filled with curiosity. “Is there anything you’d like to share today? This is the first time you’ve been here on your own, isn’t it?”
Everyone turned to look at him. On stage, he wasn’t able to make out the people in the audience clearly with so many lights shining in his eyes. Now, he didn’t have that benefit to ease him through. His natural shyness took over.
“Maybe you can share your experiences in dating someone who’s trans,” Destiny suggested when he said nothing.
“I, uh,” Kerry began. He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in the cold seat. Wiping his hands, which had grown clammy, on his pants, he considered pulling the paper out. “I’m not sure what to say. I wanted to talk about my sewing, I guess. I—”
“Speak up, hon. We can’t hear you in the back,” Ashley called. Kerry’s voice had always been naturally soft. Having it pointed out by Ashley made him too self-conscious to keep going.
But they were all waiting, staring expectantly, and the conversational void opened up before him. At any moment, he’d fall head-first into it and be swallowed alive. His damp fingers reached into his pocket and found the folded-up paper.
“You may not know this,” he began to read, “but I’m great at sewing. I’ve helped tailor clothes to Jamie for a while now and I wanted to offer to help anyone else who’s interested in that too. I know it was always hard for Jamie to find clothes in his size which fit correctly, and I also know women’s clothing can be even more unforgiving in the way it comes off the rack.”
His heart hammered in his chest, his mouth dried up even more, and his sense of being intently stared at made him want to stop talking entirely, or even to run from the room.
Kerry tried to speak loud enough for everyone to hear, but tripped on his words and refused to tear his gaze away from the paper flattened over the top of his leg. “Everyone should have the chance to dress and be exactly who they want to be, and we shouldn’t be limited by what chain stores have to offer. I wouldn’t be doing it for the money. If you could cover the cost of fabric and supplies, that would be enough for me. Let me know if you’re interested. I’m happy to help.” Finished, he licked his dry lips and added, “That’s all.”
“Well, that’s nice of you to offer, Kerry,” Destiny said. “Is there anything else you’d like to share, about Jamie, or yourself?”
It felt like his stomach dropped through the floor. His skin got tight.
“I, uh… I don’t…”
He knew he could say something. They wouldn’t judge him. Out of everyone, he could be sure they wouldn’t hate him for it. But the words weren’t there when he reached for them, and nothing would come out as his mouth worked uselessly to try.
Where words should have been, he had only flashes of memory and feelings—ten years old, wearing one of his mother’s nightgowns in front of the mirror and spinning in a circle to make the skirt fly out; five years old, tying a belt around his waist to cinch in one of his big brother’s large shirts; as a teenager, trying on some lipstick and admiring the bold color on his lips, like a fearless shout in a quiet room, then panicking when it wouldn’t all wipe off; years later, the way Jamie held him when a bout of profound grief left Kerry feeling torn in pieces and how Jamie had smoothed his hair down so gently; then back in time again, parked on a dark street, hiding in the backseat of a friend’s car while feeling the most glorious high of his life as a boy bigger than him eagerly shoved his hand down Kerry’s pants to fondle him, straddling Kerry’s body to pin him down until he came.
There was no explanation to encompass it all. He didn’t know what it meant.
“It’s okay, hon,” Ashley urged kindly, when he remained frozen.
“I-I don’t know. I don’t know yet. I’m not… I’m not with Jamie anymore. I’m not here for him.”
Even saying that much had him flushing pink in the face. His throat closed up. He hung his head and felt his pulse pounding in his ears.
“So, you’re here for you?” Destiny asked.
After a long pause, Kerry nodded.
“Well, we welcome you, sweetheart, okay? Take your time. There’s no rush. Andy, would you like to share anything today?” she asked, moving the spotlight to someone else.
Meet the Author
Lynn Kelling began writing in order to tell stories that aren’t afraid of the dark, don’t hold anything back and always strive to be memorable, forging lasting attachments between character and reader. Her inspiration comes from taking a closer look at behaviors and ideas lurking at the fringes of life—basically anything that people may hesitate to speak of in mixed company, but everyone wonders about anyway. Her work is driven by the taboo in order to expose the humanity within it. Lynn is an artist, designer and lover of any form of creative self-expression that comes from a place of honesty and emotion, whether it’s body art or opera. She is an award-winning author who has written over fifty works of erotic fiction of varying lengths, and always has several novels in progress.
For more from Lynn be sure and visit her website.
